After dating for three months, Emma and Tom amicably ended their relationship.
Six months later, Emma feels stuck her life and isn’t moving forward to date anew, she is living with what I call “The ghost of dating past.”
One of the biggest barriers to future successful dating and romance is lack of completion—when you need to release very stressful confusion—resulting from absence of closure to the finality of a prior failed relationship.
Completion is essential to make healthful changes in your life—and when it’s void—emotionally healthy people will sense you are emotionally unavailable which will prevent them from wanting to date you.
Whether you initiated the breakup or not, a calming conversation, an apology, or other input can help toward closure.
Although, sometimes it is inadvisable to involve your about-to-be-ex boyfriend or girlfriend in the closure process.
Other times, it is impossible, since all forms of communication abruptly stopped, and he or she suddenly disappeared without warning nor explanation. You might even have a pervasive impression of waiting for him or her to return to you, even when now you don’t want them in your life anymore.
These ambiguous situations are disheartening since you are left in a state of limbo— their action seems callous—but it’s best to reframe this defining moment with the fact that he or she did they best they could—so you can shift into forgiveness.
However, even in circumstances when you do get to debrief the conclusion of a relationship, it rarely feels satisfactory, and here is the surprising reason and empowering news: Another person can’t bring you closure and completion!
You don’t need the actual person to alleviate your emotional pain—closure and completion is a feeling that comes from within you—it is always up to you and only you.
These 10 insights will illuminate how you can move forward after a relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend ends:
1. Delete their phone number; get rid of mementos or other reminders of the previous relationship.
2. Is there a joint pet? Request sole custody, comfort each other with long-lasting unconditional love!
3. Tears are healing rain: Crying is a cathartic release, please let yourself mourn the loss.
4. Prayer and meditation can help release your attachment to unrealized expectations for the former relationship.
5. Refrain from social media sleuthing, which keeps the dead end relationship alive in your mind.
6. Don’t deny or bury uncomfortable, negative feelings, allow yourself to feel, process, and release them.
7. You must forgive yourself and your role in what went wrong that ended the relationship.
8. Forgive the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend—forgiveness isn’t condoning—but it frees you from emotional suffering.
9. If there was betrayal involved, you need time to rebuild your ability to trust again.
10. You are not your past: no matter what happened—you’re not inadequate—you are enough!
You need sufficient time to grieve and mourn. Have compassion and nurture yourself for what you’re going through. Throughout this period of healing, make sure to get enough sleep, eat natural foods, drink pure water, and exercise—together these actions will help bolster your energy to restore your balance and rejuvenate you. When you have acceptance, and are happy alone without loneliness, then you have moved on and are ready to start dating again. Congratulations!
Zoe Summer is an inspirational author and empowering speaker who teaches people how to live life to its fullest, and is known as "The Feel Great Expert." Zoe Summer is also the Author and Artist of the book "YOU ARE ENOUGH: 30 Mini Mantras for Self-Transformation, Be Empowered, Enlightened, and Inspired” available on Amazon. To learn about personal development: Subscribe to her “Heart Connection Blog” and visit her online: http://www.ZoeSummer.com. Copyright © 2017 by Zoe Summer.